date: April 25, 2023 time: 4/25/2023 08:27:00 PM

i am my own girl

i just wanted to share this with you guys - those who are interested in seeing more of what norma kamali is and known for..these are pictures from 2006's Miami Fashion Show we had at their fashion week of our swimwear:
http://www.miamifashionshows.com/spring2007/normakamali/index.htm

The stuff on her website isnt a great representation of whats out, i dont think its updated alot so yah check out those bathing suits. And if you learn to recognize them - you'll see them in every single music video...almost

Anyway a month into school has started and i keep focussing about the past. I mean this year, everything we do tends to focus for the future post graduation and I just want to enjoy here and now. I miss the past becuase everything was simple, blissful, and i felt invinsible-isnt that youth? now life is just bigger than i can handle, and so overpowering in everyway. i dont have control anymore and its scary. even with my closest relationship i dont feel secure. i feel like i can lose all that anyday. I've lost all grip, and i need to redefine myself. but why cant i be fine just the way i am.

anyways, university is great - its here to make us THINK, analyze, broaden our perspectives about the world and its values. Its a great thing right - you just realize so much more about the world, but at the same time that really challenges what you USED to believe, and sometimes you're left re-evaluating what you once used to be so strong on.

(Previous post written many years ago that was never published)

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date: time: 4/25/2023 08:26:00 PM

15 years later...

Here I am, it is the year 2023 and I am clearing up my email because it has reached full capacity and I am currently planning my firstborn's 3rd birthday party and cannot be missing any emails.

I'm going through old emails, memories, photos, lots of spam.. and then I come across my old blog.

I click through the posts. Some make me laugh, others make me squirm, and the old me just laughs at the young, care-free Jessica.

So here I am 15 years later, married to an incredible man, given birth to 2 beautiful boys, living in the most beautiful neighbourhood in Toronto and grateful for where life has brought me. I thought to myself, how amazing it is for me to have recorded all this, otherwise I would've forgotten about all these little life events, feelings, emotions, friends, family.. I need to continue this. Record my life and remember it. Celebrate it.

So it is the year 2023. Right now I am currently:

On Mat leave with my second one (and trying desperately to put him on a sleep schedule)
Planning a fabulous birthday party for my first born who is turning 3. The venue is a Riverdale Farm. I was instructed by my toddler to supply: popsicles, lollipops, and pizza. I got 2/3 - I have cake that's all that matters.
Tired, feeling old, really feel like I've aged after having kids but they bring me the greatest joy I have ever experienced
Feeling grateful for my life and the journey I've taken and the people who I've met along the way

One thing's for sure, I'm no longer as animated and humorous as I once was. Its as if I've lost a spark, a light within me. Oh motherhood is so tiring. lol. At least my spelling and writing has improved.. hah.

Jaimee's finishing her 2nd last year at Schulich. Jordans working as a specials constable in the city. Parents, grandma, status quo. We are two years post pandemic. I gave birth to my second son with COVID, wearing an N-95... giving birth (both times) was physically and mentally the hardest thing I've had to do in my life. But was it worth it? Completely, 100%. I love my boys and my family.

Maybe I will keep this up, fingers crossed.

Sincerely,

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date: January 27, 2008 time: 1/27/2008 11:55:00 PM

the mood is striking..

I cant believe it, but I am in the complete mood right now to blog. and when am i ever in the mood? once in a... never. this is un-real...!

To start off.. whats the deal with onerepublic, and their awesomeness? Seriously, I love them. Every song is a hit - im in love. And for those who also love their music, they're coming to the Mod Club in toronto Feb 6th! $23!! I'm coming out from loo for the evening!

And another thing i must mention is JUNO. wooooweee amazing. The music is so cute that me and my roommate has already learned all the songs on the guitar and can sing to them! moldypeaches, antsypants, kimya... Sea of Love by Cat power is beautiful. So beautiful that i want to get engaged while that exact song is playing in the background.

Its my last term in uni and these 4 past years have been out right incredible. The people i've met, unforgettable. The memories we've shared is going to live with me for the rest of my life. The friends i've made - I'll keep close to my heart forever. I cant believe how lucky i am to be where i am right now. These things you just never want to end. And graduation is RIIIGHT around the corner. Where did time go?

This school year has definately been the most crazy. Crazy asin the good crazy and alsovery much the BAD crazy. just insane. And i know i've definately grown and learned from each situation God has put me in.

I know this is a weird place to share, but its kindof easier in someways. I lost a friend in September. She passed away a couple weeks into school and that messed me up so bad for weeks. Confused and angry, I wished I could do something about it but it was too late.
Things like these you just cant control - I just wish I could have helped in anyway. I would've been there for her. The last I talked to her was when she was working at BT and she hooked me up with a free mango slush - my fav. Who knew that would be last time I wouldve seen her. Memories of her still haunts me every day. The only thing that comforted me was what a friend told me when he dealt with a similar situation... "All our buddies always gathered after the fact and we talked about the whole thing. We laughed, cried and shared old memories. Then we all eventuallymove on, but we never ever forget." I still dont completely now what happened that day, and i try not to overanalyze it.I couldn't even find the courage to attend the funeral. I still struggle, and im slowly moving on, but its true - i'll never forget. And i learn, and I change so maybe i can help someone else in the future.

a week later i find out about other crazy news about a friend which i wont say here but that was a complete SHOCK. Thats 2 shockers in a weeek. I kept pinching myself in class to make sure I wasnt dreaming. All of it was so unreal.

Gosh and last week - the drama I went through last weekend. Sigh this one is my own fault lol. And now i'm facing some consequences and my heart is seriously broken and i'm confused as ever about my relationship. Not so fun, but i'll live.

Life's goes a little wacky sometimes but we all just gotta keep on truckin'. We all have our struggles andhow we deal with it defines who we are. Sometimes we just gotta suck it up and deal with it - it sucks but its part of growing up. But the best part is that we know we have ppl around us to love and support us through it all.

5 comments <3 js

date: January 22, 2008 time: 1/22/2008 04:36:00 PM

onerepublic - all we are

I tried to paint you a picture, the colors were all wrong
Black and white didn't fit you
And all along, you were shaded with patience, your strokes of everything
that I need just to make it, but I can see that

Lord knows I failed you time and again
But you and me are alright

We'll say our goodbyes you know it's better that way
We won't break, we won't die
It's just a moment of change
All we are, all we are, is everything that's right
All we need, all we need, a lover's alibi

I walked a minute in your shoes, they never would have fit
I figured there's nothing to lose I need to get
some perspective on these words before I write them down
You're an island and my ship has run aground

Lord knows I'll fail you time and again
But you and me are alright, yeah

We'll say our goodbyes you know its better that way
We won't break, we won't die
It's just a moment of change
All we are, all we are, is everything that's right
All we need all we need, our lover's alibi

And every single day that I can breathe, you changed my philosophy
I'm never gonna let you pass me by

So don't say your goodbyes you know its better that way
We won't break, we won't die
It's just a moment of change
All we are, all we are, is everything that's right
All we need, all we need, our lover's alibi

2 comments <3 js

date: November 18, 2007 time: 11/18/2007 08:35:00 PM

this man is hilarious!

Demetri Martin: you must youtube him!!

1 comments <3 js